The Devil in Your Hands
by william.herondale-carstairs
Summary: Just before I fall unconscious I hear him say, "This was over before it ever began." Warnings: domestic abuse, non-con, AU, and heartbreak.


**Warnings: domestic abuse, non-con/rape, AU, heartbreak. If any of the former make you uncomfortable, please do not continue reading.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Death Note or any of it's characters. If I did, I wouldn't have to worry about my student loans. :P**

**The usual junk: If you read, please review. I really appreciate the critique but please try to keep your criticism constructive. If there is any confusion, feel free to PM me (although I can't guarantee how fast I will respond). Also, recommended listening is Feel Good Drag by Anberlin (I also don't own that). Well, on with the show, I suppose.**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

"Where have you been?"

I let out a slow breath and kicked the door shut behind me. "Out." The short statement would probably only anger him but it didn't take much to do that these days.

His blue eyes narrowed as he took a step toward me. "Don't play games with me." The words were little more than a growl. "Out where?"

I dropped my gaze to the floor and removed my goggles. Turning my back on the other man, I tossed the contents of my pockets onto the small table in our entryway. I remember picking that table out. That was before. We were still happy then.

Suddenly the little table is overturned, it's contents spilled across the floor. A rough hand is pulling me, hurting me, until I am against the door, my head throbbing where it made contact.

"You answer me when I am talking to you, Matt." Lips that need no introduction are so close to my own. Thoughts of before begin to rush through my mind.

"I was with B." I look into his blue eyes that once upon a time held love and now only house hate. "We were just talking." I try to reach out to him, my fingers closing around the hand clenched in the front of my vest. I don't want to fight.

"What were you talking about?" His voice is barely more than a whisper.

"Sunshine and laughter. Late nights, spent talking and dreaming up wild schemes. Stolen kisses and whispered 'I love you's.' We talked about before." I close my eyes and rest my head on his shoulder.

We both stand in silence. Me, pressed against the door and him pressed against me. There is no sound except for the occasional groan from our centuries-old air conditioner. After a few moments I begin to worry that I have angered him again.

"Mello, I-"

"I'm sorry."

I pull away from him, almost smacking my head on the door again. "What?"

I feel his body stiffen against mine. My first instinct is to hold him, to comfort him. My second more violent instinct is to try to get away from him. I struggle within the cage of his arms, panic blossoming in my chest.

I feel his fist connect with my abdomen, the blow effectively knocking the breath out of me. There are countless other blows that come after that first one. Most of them land on my torso but a few of them stray to my face, one even breaks my nose. He steps away from me and I crumple to the floor with a breathless sob.

Before I can regulate my breathing he's on his knees and I'm being flipped onto my stomach. My fingers scrabble to find purchase on the smooth wood of the floor as my body is dragged backwards to meet his. He captures both of my wrists in one of his larger hands, stretching my arms out above my head.

His free hand seems to be everywhere at once. On and under my vest, removing it along with my shirt before quickly moving on. Soon my belt is unbuckled, my pants and boxers pulled down to tangle around boots.

I hear his sigh of relief when he pulls his zipper down and I know what's coming next. I can't stop the words from escaping my mouth.  
"Please," I plead. "Please, at least let me look at you! Let me pretend. For one more night." My tears collect in a shallow puddle beneath my cheeks. He hesitates for a moment and I sag against the floor, allow myself a moment of hope.

The only answer I receive is a painful grip on my hips, but not nearly painful enough to block out the agony caused by his forced entry. He groans when he is fully sheathed, pausing only for a moment, before continuing in a punishing rhythm.

My mouth is caught open in a silent scream. I am unable to draw a proper breath. It didn't used to be like this. We used to be happy. Before...we used to love each other.

My vision is going black. I don't know how much longer I can take this. Please...make it stop...  
A few more thrusts and he's coming, burning me from within. I whimper when he pulls out of me, part of me never wanting him to leave, the other part wishing to never see his face again.

Just before I fall unconscious I hear him say, "This was over before it ever began."

* * *

**Was this over before  
****Before it ever began****  
****Your kiss  
****Your calls  
****Your crutch  
****Like the devil's got your hand  
****This was over before  
****Before it ever began  
****Your lips  
****Your lies  
****Your lust  
****Like the devil's in your hands**

**-_The Feel Good Drag,_ Anberlin**

**A/N: I hope we can still be friends.**

Also, it would really make my day if you could leave a review even if it's just a few short words. It _really_ helps to know what you all think. Thanks again for reading. ^_^


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